what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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