Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
