Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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