i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
