Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
