you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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