Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
