You really coming over, don't trick.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
