omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
