My room smells like vodka and shame
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
