You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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