That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
