you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
