I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
