Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
