I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize