are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
