you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
