It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
