I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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