bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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