my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
