Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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