I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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