I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
