Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You can't special order awesome
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize