I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
