Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
