okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
