I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
