Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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