someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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