Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
