considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
