please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
