For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
