i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize