mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
