then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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