The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
