Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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