HIV tests are more positive than that guy
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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