I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
