chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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