I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
