I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
