He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
