then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
