if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
