So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
