This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
