the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
