Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
