Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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