Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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