her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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