yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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