im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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