**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
