Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
