I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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