I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
