Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
