I cut my penus on the lid.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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