I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
