The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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