She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
